Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Randomize
