I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
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