Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
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