I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Randomize
