it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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