Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
i out mim tonsoeep
Randomize
