Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
