Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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