I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
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