That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I currently don't understand fingers.
So apparently I’m into choking now
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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