Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
