it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
