No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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