You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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