someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
i now understand why vodka
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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