you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize