wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
