Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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