is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
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