so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
