whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
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