So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
