I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
