Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
