Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
