Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Randomize
