She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
