I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
