Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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