If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
