Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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