White coat. Heels.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
