Christians are straight up FREAKS
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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