So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Randomize
