oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize