I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
