I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
