Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
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