My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
