do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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