at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
