It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
