I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
