I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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