Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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