I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
we're so committed to being not committed
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
