thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Randomize
