put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
