I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
