sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
