i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
