operation harelip BJ is a go
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
