we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Houston, we have a blender
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize