In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
