I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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