Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
