fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
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