He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
