If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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