Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
