I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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